Love of my life…
Discovering I was pregnant with you sent me over the moon with joy! What with all your kicking I couldn’t help but sense there was a sportsman in my basketball of a tummy! Little did we know just what a fighter you’d become…
When they presented you in those blue swaddling clothes, I could scarcely contain my heart… melting into our first moments together… your perfect fingers ’round my pinky… proud chest rising… falling… rising… such rhythmic musing composed of tiny breaths… an angel borrowed from Heaven’s choir!
My Darling Evan,
Oh’ simply holding you… such indescribable harmony of being, having carried us many a broken mile through seasons of sun and storm. Hand in hand we’ve crested some of the highest mountains most will never know… deeper than the holler, coming through in afterglow…
You have brought me more sunshine than might warm our sandy toes ’pon a mid-summer’s daydream… but Evan, my son… even sands fall through the hourglass, time heaving weighted sigh… slipping, skipping as my heart… sifting away…
Oh’ how I’ve prayed… weeping for one more turn, another hour, a minute… only to realize your struggle, coming to terms with the pain. Understanding you must be upon your journey… rejoining the angels which entrusted you ’to my care these seven blessed years.
I believe I’ve surrendered all within my heart, aspiring to become the mother I so wanted you to know… the mother you deserved.
How endearing your smile, how precious in my eyes, my son… my son… Evan, my sweet hereafter…
You had just begun stringing a few words together, your charm getting us into trouble with the ladies… I saw it in the doctor’s face before he uttered the words. “Low grade glioma” was not a term I could relate to in the hollowed bottom of my heart, numbness setting in. Being informed you had an inoperable brain tumor mere days before your second birthday was not the present I’d planned.
As in some out of body experience, I recall finding myself in my vehicle… beyond crushed… streaming a flood of tears until there was nothing left to be had but rags of wrung laundry…
Our lives defined by the moments before and after battle lines were drawn. It was my duty as your lioness to protect you from all harm, and I’d be damned if a diagnosis of cancer would claim us without a fight!
Your light penetrates all shadow, alighting as a dove upon the beautiful… sacred souls gathered here in celebration of life’s passage. ’Though your smile remain forever woven through the fabric of these halls, we’re all going to miss you so… honouring the little hero whose bravery inspired a nation!
Evan, I admit my relationship with God has been on shaky ground… I’m afraid I may never understand these mysterious ways, nor all the reasons why… still somehow the hardest question to answer. It’s snowing now as I hold your hands, watching you slip into dreams… still praying through what’s left of my tears…
I’m told Heaven is a beautiful place… all I really know is that I never want to be far from where you are… I believe, I believe… I do believe we will meet again someday… forever summer, forever Sunday…
Remember me when you touch paradise, my love… only hold me now but one more time, sweetest Evan… my little superman… true world champion, and very best friend…
Oh’ for these are the swells of a mother’s heart… where words no longer sway, toys no longer play, and we won’t say… goodbye…
Kissing the hands that held her close so often A mother searches her son’s eyes ‘Glistening tear cascading, bursting diamonds Reflecting times gone by
… The moment he first gazed ‘pon her How she felt a mother’s pang He had her gig’ling like the child within A’ building castles in the sand
Oh’ how was she to know She’d fallen for an early angel
A messenger of hope A show of strength In tender touch
Cherished by his mother Evan… faithful to none other
Early angels have a way of loving Of Loving those they leave
Nestling ‘twixt the cradle of the angel and her wing Whereupon he dreams a dream, and laughs, and plays, and sings
A tuggin’ ‘pon my heart-sleeve… little Evan… Heartland’s King ‘Whisp’ring unto ear, these words which I to you now bring
I Love You…
But my time has come & gone My battle cry is now a vict’ry song
Together, we’d fought the good fight
I have finished my stay
Still You must know I’m always Near
A breathless breath away
I leave you with a smile While upon these clouds I pray Ohh’ God bless my mom & brothers
That your healing find a way..